novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- every child grows older He did make me question how I appear to others. Frankly, I never gave much thought to it before. I've always been shy around men, but now I feel like I'm cowering from the whole everything. At least I know this too shall pass. Because Gandalf said so. And in the interim, it's making me self-reflect and come to terms with some stuff I wasn't even aware I was doing. Ways in which I was shooting my dreams in the foot. I guess I had been waiting for a man to make me whole, so this is what god gave me. I never specified that it be realized true love, not stalking, but I just thought that part was implied. Both Cassie and my dad think I am some sort of a witch. Dad used to slit his eyes at me and say, "Many women in your family were born on Friday the 13th. Your mother herself was born on Halloween." And he always has to tell strangers about the tattoo on my leg, loudly repeating the tired joke that I'm either a wiccan or a Cowboys fan. I am neither. I am just me. Cassie and I went to the Indian Rock years ago and asked the stars for our loves. This is what I asked the stars for after I'd had some experience. This is what I've been waiting for. I just thought it would be more satisfying. I read about people who thank their partners, and I want that kind of love. The next clear night I will ask Cassie back to the rock. And the four of us (me, Cassie, everything, god) will form a quorum and cast hopes for the new. 4:40 pm - 10.23.10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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