novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- catching up I told JT about what happened. It's so hard to explain. I tried so hard to feel like I was equal with the guy, but once he got started it made me feel like swimming against a very fast-moving current that wore me out. That never stopped. He must be a sociopath for turning me into HR for admitting I have a crush on him and asking him to leave me alone. I mean, come on. Did I SOUND like a threat to his girlfriend? No. But by turning me in, he pointed the finger at my credibility and ripped it to shreds the first chance he got. He was protecting himself. Of course he'd never take that back. Sweet Paul came in the library today, and I had to avoid him. What the fuck can I say to this guy? "Hi, your friend terrifies me. Ok, Walter too. He's always muttering under his breath and staring at me when he waits for the elevator. But he's not the one who attacked me, that's one of your best friends." I think that would be the biggest overshare of the century. J has two sides to his personality. What's coldest is that he freely admitted all this about himself on Craigslist. It was riveting, and I don't think I understood it as it was flying at me. There is no way I can make J respect me. He never will. I don't even want to think about how he treats B, what she must allow. What she must absorb. I'm glad his life isn't interrupted. Think how much worse it would be for me if his plans fell through? I have the worst nightmares. I keep getting sucked back into my connection to him, and I figure the best way not to is to try and rely more on the people that I love. Regardless, I miss them, and it's so great to see them again and make jokes about wearing burkas at bachelorette parties. To sit on the back patio and drink desert wine and talk about traveling. I let this guy isolate me like a foal from its pack. "When they attack, you're just the object of their anger. It's not really about you when they snap -- they're reacting to a snap within themselves." And he's never going to get help for it. He'll just continue living halved and angry. Volitale. 11:04 pm - 10.12.10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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