novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- standstill Official ADD testing in a few weeks. Then I guess they give me drugs. I'll keep up with learning poses & meditating, and I'll try to make myself focus. I think I was drawn to him so strongly because he did make me focus, automatically, every Wednesday. He made me calm, he made my body happy. He made my vision clear. He doesn't understand why I won't talk to him unless he lifts the horrible claim he set against me. This, to me, would be a THANK YOU, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS fixit to most of this situation. But no. I realized he had been planning to do this since the beginning when S told me how he reported the things I said to him in passing in the hallway. So cold, so calculating. You should have seen her mouth twist with distaste when she looked at me. He did that, he made that. So here we are. Sticking to made plan: keep head down. Study hard. Try to appear normal. Write like hell, make weird artists books, go out and have fun with friends, get amazing librarian job (it could be ANYWHERE! I could even apply for a Fullbright and go many places) in three years once I finish the long degree with two jobs and save up money after paying off both my masters' degrees and get a tummy tuck and become a rampant cougar. Somewhere in there I have to get published, and a lot. I have to get going. It's funny, but writing a person down is the best way to immortalize him. I could make him immortal. Should I?
7:13 am - 10.01.10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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