novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- end of rant that carried on all day. I don't know how he can hack my stupid facebook page, I have him blocked but he's using a different account I guess. I have the privacy settings up. I just left a comment on my roommate's facebook page, and I know that J will see it and get steamed with anger and call me all sorts of horrible, bone-crunching names. Anonymously. On Craigslist. And then he'll shark past the double-glass doors or make some excuse to come in and give me nasty looks; he'll have his friend spy on me, call me names in the hallway and stare, stare; he'll go through my desk and rifle through my personal files; he'll hop in the elevator at the last minute or hide in the crook in the hallway that I can't see properly unless he moves -- it's right between the stairwell and the elevator. He's shown up at my other job, at my house. I'm thinking about all of this right now because I just left a comment on my housemate's facebook page. How horrible is that? I'm afraid of J. He won't retract the claim against my character (it would mean admitting that he made a mistake), he tried to get me fired, his fiance thinks I'm some sort of whore manipulator, and this is the hardest hit on my heart ever. Looking back, it makes everything I've been through make sense. I guess I should thank him for that clarity. I just wish that he wasn't like this, so jealous and unethical. I guess he doesn't realize that everybody gets hurt -- what defines our character is how we react to that pain. And I don't want to be a wuss anymore. I want to live my life. If it makes him angry and he attacks me, hopefully the police will see this in my computer. I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. I can't fix this, I can't even try. It's all up to him, he has to get help for himself. I don't understand why B won't help him, but she's probably angry about his attraction to me. I hope she gets over it soon; they're going to be married. And you know what? I hope it turns out to be the perfect union for both of them. Then I won't ever have to see either of them again, and constantly be reminded of how fucking awful this entire situation is. And then I can heal. WITHOUT losing my absolutely wonderful, inspiring job. 9:39 pm - 09.28.10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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