novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- my barn shut up in his castle sometime in the summer my heart settled on him like a big fat barn owl settles into its perch in the rafters, the sharp smell of hay, dusty beams of sunshine leaking through the roof. comfortable and almost foretold. a barn owl belongs in a barn. that's how i felt. it was like my heart decided he was my barn. and i just wanted to write him today, to tell him about how fast people drive here, how there are no streetlights on the street that i grew up on, how i was scared i was gonna run into j and his new wife in the supermarket. how the fuji apples reminded me of j, and the gala apples reminded me of me. how after i lost touch with j i lost my taste for apples. a fibrous, pious ode to an end, and not an allusion to aversion. but, barns. here's to barns. here's to that elusive, rare comfort a person can give you without even meaning to give you anything; to sudden candor, to organic intimacy, to the rustle of sleepy feathers. to that soft september sigh in your emeryville castle, setting your shoulders against my back like we were a sleeping jigsaw. thank you for that. remember that, keep it for the future. feelings like this are stacking up and making us whole; we are collecting them in the canyons of friends and lovers, even when we are doing without. 1:18 am - 11.04.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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