novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- he did indeed have large probing eyes i haven't spoken to a therapist in about seven years. i figured i should; it's free via school and too many things have been happening in the past year for me to make sense of them all. walking to his office i thought the following things simultaneously: -- the need for a "neutral sounding board" is a common one. but this is a person i'm going to see. i'm not going to be talking to a wall. he will most likely have large probing eyes and i will feel them judging me. will i feel odd, telling my stories to a stranger? and how come i can't figure myself out on my own? how come my behavior is most perplexing to me? -- how should i begin? should i start years ago, explaining how i got here, giving him my own theories about my behavior -- or would that be doing his job for him? -- i don't want to do this. there are things i haven't told anyone. i am about to cry in front of a stranger. i wonder how long i'll hold out before i start crying. i want to go home and listen to mott the hoople and work on my novel. my novel that i haven't started yet. but i do have a good idea about the subplot and i want to just start writing and see where it goes. see, i think it is completely valid to work personal experience into fiction writing: this subplot would involve feeling completely bewildered by oh i can't write that here. maybe i should just go inside. -- how ironic that i am going to see a male therapist when most of my problems involve males. 3:38 am - 09.08.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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