novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- why so young i had the strangest dreams last night. i've never been one to dream about anything other than everyday scenarios. my grandmother says i have random premonitions, and i have in the past. but the two dreams last night were entirely constructed scenarios. 1. earth has been at war. it is either after the apocolypse, or after faceless aliens have come and burned the world to a crisp. people are warring and it is dangerous to be outside. there are bodies and gutted buildings. everything is brown and gray. the sky is filled with ash. concrete and steel frames of buildings filter weak sunlight onto the road. i am hiding underground with my family (none of which are actually related to me in real life) but i still disguise myself every day and go to school. it is safer that many of us stay presumed dead. i have no idea what the disguise is, but i experience double-consciousness about being a student and yet cheating my way into class. for some reason it is very important that i keep going to school even though the world has ended. i think i am about sixteen in this dream. 2. i am around twelve years old. someone has been strangling lots of the girls at my school, so a dusk curfew has been set for all children. i live in a gated community in a house that looks like it was redecorated in 1989; pastels mixed with dark browns from an earlier remodel. the living room is wide and low. for some reason i have two of my friends plan to sleep over. there was a crowd of people outside my house, and somehow a third girl got invited in, even though we didn't really know her. we sat on the couch and talked for a long time. she started to braid my hair and focus in on me. she pulled out a thin yellow rope (also braided) and tried to get it around my neck, as if she was going to tie it over my head, like she was innocently doing my hair. she tried to choke me with it three times, and each time i calmly put my hands in her way and made it impossible for her. after the third time i told her she had to leave... my friends and i escorted her to the front door. once i opened it i saw two of the girl's accomplices, adults with masks on, standing on the sidewalk outside my house. "your kitchen table is on fire." i can see one of them (she is a woman wearing a dirty gray mens' undershirt, she has large breasts that sit on her belly like the venus of willendorf) grin at me under her mask. it looks like a grimace. she pauses before speaking again: "and so is your roof." i pull the strangling girl back inside before slamming and locking the door. i hog-tie her with the yellow rope she tried to kill me with. she's immobilized on the shiny white ceramic tile just inside the front door. i instruct my friends to put out the fire on the kitchen table. they check and let me know that it isn't really on fire, and then i wake up.
12:43 am - 07.26.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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