novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reluctance was a bitter old saint never really reviled; he put off his martyrdom for far too long we all want a sense of accomplishment. but lately, some of us have been finding it easier to dull our senses instead. we carry our conversation out of the car after i park, raising our voices as we release seat belts and open doors. she squints as rain falls in her eyes, and i notice how much her hairstyle suits her face; a little 1920's bob, like a flapper. but her lungs are louder than such delicate hair, and her voice floats easily over the people seated with us in the stuffy room. i see ears bend. she jokes about how a potential date's metabolism is more pertinent than the number of his past loves: "if he's a skinny dude who can eat anything, it'll drive me insane! i mean, jesus." our audience laughs. afterwards, i drop her at the grocery store and she surprises me when she makes me put the car in park so she can write down the advice i've given her, advice i need to remember as well: don't over-analyze it to death. just see what happens. remember that beginnings are the worst and once you get over that initial reluctance you will be so proud. be honest. 12:20 am - 02.16.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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