novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- and he had shaggy hair, too. and he could wail on the guitar. and his laugh was indescribable. oh crap, i think i am kindof a romantic. but don't tell anyone. a month and a half ago i was introduced to a friend of a friend during one of e's dj nights. outside, just after i noticed that i found him too beautiful to look at, this friend of a friend straightened his baggy gray tshirt and scuffed his brown shoes against each other and told me stories about when he was five and went on a children's TV show as a member of the audience who got called up to participate. it was some clown show. i told him i hated clowns. he said i'd like this story. anyhow, he said, there was a shed where the clown would go and open the door and pull just about anything out during the show. it was a magical shed. he convinced another kid to come with him to look at the shed after the show taped, and of course they only found a prop door, and a stage set. the clown was furious, so this friend of a friend rallied the kids and they yelled at the clown. i was very impressed. what show was this? he told me the name, but i can't remember. the clown's name was stinky, though, and for the rest of the night i called him stinky. he laughed and let me. he said that he always knew stinky would one day come back to bite him in the ass.
we spread out on e's floor on our bellies, our elbows were nearly touching. we talked about how he thinks annie hall is the best movie in the entire world, and i swallowed my dislike for woody allen in that instant because i've always loved that movie as the exception. and now stinky is somehow linked to woody allen in my mind, in an affectionate way, and there's nothing i can do to reverse it. i didn't tell him this. i told him other things, teased him more, and made him laugh a lot. he asked if i play the piano, or any instrument, and when i said no his eyes were disappointed. i recognized how there are certain things you look for in a person, how this must have been one of his. e insisted that i'm joining her runaways cover band. i hedge and haw. (sometime during that night he also complimented me. twice. i just have to state that, here. a boy who compliments.) since then i tried to run into him several times, but i'd never met him before, or seen him since. i didn't try to get his number or give him mine because i thought he and my friend were more than friends. and i'd just broken up with mine... now it has been too long, and my friend who is his friend last heard he was possibly seeing someone, and anyway my hopes rose too high and it would be awful awkward to run into him again, now wouldn't it? what would we say? we've already discussed stinky the clown, and there's not much farther that you can go from there. i was sad for weeks, this was after i was hopeful for weeks... but now i'm just happy i talked to him that night. just the possibility that a rad boy i actually wanted to see again might actually have wanted to date me, too, is bolstering enough. the one boy out of the whole year who never lied to me or let me down or scared the crap out of me or who just wasn't ready, wasn't there. stinky 2005 is the reason i'm not a nun right now. i'd like to say that i meet people such as this often, but i'll be honest and tell you that it usually happens once or twice in a decade, and leave it at that. i'll just leave my ramblings at that. 10:05 pm - 08.19.05 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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