novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fever so many things all at once -- how do you finish it all? my room is messy again but i'm finding some sort of focus. i'm having a problem dividing focus between my projects. going to school for writing means that after i've received my mfa i'll have to learn how to balance what i love to do with what i need to do. career vs. career. i can't make money at writing but i'll write anyway; i need will to find a day job. a stereotype, like how actors are waiters. i am thinking designer or elementary school teacher. i don't know, designer doesn't really seem that functional when applied to my situation, but i like the idea of going back to school for design. i like considering it. the perpetual student. i remember when thinking of you took up a lot of my time; my body vibrated slightly and my heart grew used to your attention. and now during pauses i can feel what's left, and how oddly it sounds to be able to hear things in the past tense. i mean that i can almost literally hear this absence. it makes my body long for touch. 3:35 pm - 11.18.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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