novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- he refused to contract verbs -- saying I will do it, instead of I'll do it etc. i've been reading somebody else's journal: Tuesday 4.12.60 Of what is she disapproving I wonder -- something driving me mad for 2/ or 3 days/ completely hopeless feeling that no communication is ever possible with another and to ask destroys -- can't they tell? or guess? I wanted to run away and find another man who would love me completely -- why am I so afraid of feeling pain or hurt. Is that death? Tuesday 5.17.60 Saturday out until 3 in the morning drinking whiskey, first time really out on the town and he didn't like me because I was silly & I didn't like him because he had to display knowledge or an opinion on every subject whether he knew anything about it or not -- I equally need to dominate the scene but do it by being foolish which is no more empty than intellectual soundings although both are unnecessary and the interest lies only in the need. Sunday 7.24.60 Dream: death a fashionably dressed thin lesbian. I am with others in a room waiting. A tall handsome blonde boy who I have been with leans over and changes my last name which has been written at the bottom of death's list to his. I am not terribly worried. There is no such thing as a 'hidden meaning.' Meaning is always on the surface. from Strange Big Moon (The Japan and India Journals 1960-1964) by Joanne Kyger 9:54 pm - 10.24.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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