novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- memories for sale yesterday nk and i went to thrift stores on the basis of finding stuff for the new apartment. we spent most of our time looking at old nightgowns and trying on jackets. nk would select a silk nightgown and plop its hanger over her head. she would look at herself in the mirror, pulling the nightgown's chest over hers to see if it would fit. i bought a suede shortcoat. it is maroon. the last time i owned a leather jacket i was sixteen and stuck in a very mod phase. the jacket was small, sixties, and white. no collar. random people kept offering me money for it on the street. my new coat looks unbearably hip but has a heavyness that feels so comfortable hanging on my shoulders; it looks like something my mother would have worn in san francisco in the seventies. when i wear it i think of her and try to imagine her life when she was my age. it is hard to do; i can't hear her voice before years of smoking and see her face except as i've seen it in snapshots. i have no idea what she spent her days thinking about, how she and my father were together. all i can picture are stills, and this makes me feel like an anthropologist. or an archeologist, digging up an old suede tool and trying it on to see what the past felt like. 12:09 pm - 06.13.04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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