novembre

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i am not a clydesdale; i should not wear blinders

to do today, while in-between times at work:
1) daydream excessively
2) send out transcript requests
3) pay bills
4) eat an overpriced, overly-salty chicken sandwich for lunch
5) study vocabulary for the GRE, how obtuse and caustic
6) wish i was somewhere else.

i feel so boring, and so hidden. the interesting parts of me are tucked away lately, thanks to stress and grad school applications.

on saturday, during a break from trying to re-learn math for the GRE, i watched a cartoon set in the dirty, listless future where people were plugged into a world they invented themselves.

part of me really wishes i could live in unreality all the time. i'm getting better about it, about the blatant escapism, but stress has turned all my day dreams into morphs of the future.

if i lived in boston and went to emerson.

if i lived in new york. and somehow had access to an etching press. (this turned into a dream last night, an unconscious non day-dream dream, and suddenly an actor was impressed that i knew "fuck" in sign.)

my day dreams are starting to mutate and multiply.

when there are so many possibilities, i hone in on a few and fill out the details myself. i scoot into these corners and only look out occasionally.

6) i miss you. i want to come over and play boggle.

2:01 pm - 12.08.03

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