novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- fifty ways to leave, having left, and returned fifty things i've done in no particular order and of no particular importance 50. lived in four different states 49. lived in two houses, three dormitories, six apartments, and on one floor. 48. fell in unrequited love and got my unrequited heart broken, badly 47. mispronounced marcel proust's last name for the better part of two months because i had never heard it spoken 46. stayed awake for over fifty-two hours consecutively. 45. worked as a car registrator for an independent registration service when i was seventeen. my job entailed standing in line at the DMV reading books all day because it was illegal for me to register more than ten titles at one time. i chatted up the disgruntled ladies at the counter and made them laugh. 44. dropped out of art school 43. sang karaoke exactly once, a duet with jen short hair to ringo starr's song "don't you want me baby." 42. been the proud owner (or co-owner, with parents or roommates) of one rabbit, two rats, one mouse, a mean-spirited and eventually dark-hearted cockatoo, eight cats, and approximately eighteen dogs. (eight of the eighteen dogs were schnauzers) 41. made nine zines since 1994. five artists books. i do not remember how many were sold, traded, given away or editions made, but i'd estimate over 1200 zines and 75 artists books. 40. tried to learn how to skateboard on a joe cool scooter with the handlebars broken off in fifth grade 39. suffered my first crush at five years old, which was on hayley mills in the parent trap, but i think i just wanted to be her because she was rich, a lot of people loved her, she had a secret sister, and she could open her eyes underwater. 38. performed accurate vocal representations of barney from the simpsons, cartman from south park, lisa and evelyn's grandmother, my grand-uncle, the queen of england, and iggy pop 37. gotten three tattoos (one of which will be covered up) 36. learned how to swim before i learned how to walk 35. driven five different lemons in the past year and a half, eight cars total during the past decade. 34. had two eating disorders, one since nine years old 33. driven to portland, oregon from ventura, southern california, in just over 22 consecutive hours 32. impersonated eddie vedder outside the capitol theatre while he was standing two feet away 31. acted in a mockumentary about a the breakup of a monumental yet faux riot grrrl band 30. smushed my entire right hand into my brother's dinner when i was eleven 29. been thrown against a wall, pinched, clocked in the head, sexually assaulted and bitten by drunk men 28. been thrown against a wall, pinched, clocked in the head, punched in the face, back, and chest, tripped, spit on, slapped, licked and bitten by autistic and SED children and teenagers 27. made four stuffed animals from patterns on a sewing machine, one of which was a schnauzer, for eighth grade home economics 26. been a roadie for a surf band fronted by sixteen year old punk boys 25. dyed my hair red for seven years, though not consecutively 24. slammed four different fingers into car doors repeatedly over the years, so much so that the nails on my thumbs grow indented, sucking inwards and then shooting out straight again 23. rode in a car that caught fire 22. rode through the eye of hurricane andrew on disney's big red boat 21. played the alto and tenor saxaphones in middle school band, got first chair in seventh grade 20. played on basketball, swim, track, bowling, soccer, tee-ball, badmitton teams and took ballet and tap lessons. 19. had a crush on an amateur magician who played the cello and worked at a diner who was also unfortunately an anorexic coke addict 18. saw the beach boys in canada sometime during the mid-eighties, saw the ramones in concert during their farewell tour 17. fallen down a hill trellaced five stories for avacado trees, over thick wooden planks and six inch metal spikes 16. constructed modern structures out of old railroad beams and watched them get coated with snow before taking them all down again 15. pledged in a feminist art faux sorority and video taped drunk gallery patrons spewing shock over art about abused women while wearing a cigarette box filled with hair and fake blood 14. watched the sun rise out of the pacific from a perch on a jetty where my friend and i ate stolen pastries 13. had twenty-two roommates 12. been photographed in SPIN magazine 11. eaten nothing but almond joy candy bars for three weeks 10. fallen in love without realizing it five times 9. attended four colleges 8. bought and then promptly lost a musical saw, a drum kit, a left-handed electric guitar, and five kazoos 9. learned and loved large format photography but completely blanked every time i picked up a manual 35mm camera and had to re-learn f-stops, focusing, everything 8. was photographed by groups of japanese tourists in two different countries as a child 7. jumped off the roof of my parents' house onto a trampoline several times 6. worn a turquoise ski suit when i was fourteen that made me look forty 5. climbed up a waterfall 4. had some sort of psychic experience, the night our dog drowned and a family friend committed suicide, while sitting in a dark church at lutheran summer camp when i was twelve 3. modeled a 1950's uniform in a girl scout fashion show 2. kept a journal, whether physical or electronic, for twenty years 1. rolled down a sand dune the size of a mountain 10:17 am - 09.22.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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