novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- talking to a dead man on a pin. i decided five minutes before it was time to leave for work this morning that today would not be my first day back after coming in bawling last tuesday. today will be the last day before the first day back, today will be muted and semi-productive, i thought as i fell back into sleep and for the next two hours dreamed about old friends high on drugs trying to convince me about something, i don't remember what. i steamed copious amounts of broccoli and garlic and watched back to the future. walked around the lake listening to music. once i remembered to, i walked down the block to move my car from its metered spot. i was fully convinced that i'd gotten a ticket; i always get tickets if i leave my car parked on that block past seven am. it has happened at least four times. no ticket. i stood there amazed but blinked it away, figuring i should spring into action fast lest the policemen realize their error. all week, i have been having oddly good luck with cops and cars. morbidly i think it is because of buck. buck magically made not one but three cruisers pass me on the 101 while i was speeding down to his funeral. buck clapped twice and my car was invisible to parking reinforcement. when i was thinking about this i was addressing the pin i wore with buck's picture on it, like buck was lodged inside, witnessing what i see. i was telling buck-on-the-pin thanks and laughing a little, wondering why he decided to protect me in such a way this week. admitting that makes me feel insanely vulnerable. 6:44 pm - 01.27.03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||