novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- literacy zombies it isn't insomnia like i used to know it. i know where this comes from and that's why it is so hard to name. after a few hours of trying my body starts to shake and i become so frustrated that i start to cry. i root though my bookcases for something i haven't read recently and dog-ear the pages while my cat sleeps on an extended foot. when that doesn't work i take a bath (my cat follows my heels into the bathroom and sleeps beside the bathtub on the bathmat, always on the bathmat) and let the hot water calm my skin down. usually afterwards i can sleep for a few hours before waking up and trolling around the apartment like a zombie, feeling like i'm still in the bathtub, buffered movement, but the water has gotten cold. these days they are so long, lately. taken out of context this applies to me: i think, well, i just wanted the pleasure without feeling. but something holds me back. there is in me something untouched, unstirred, which commands me. that will have to be moved if i am to move wholly. i think of this in the metro, and i get lost. 10:06 am - 06.22.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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