novembre

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sick still

i carry it around like a secret, something that might happen in the future but i convince myself that it will so i
carry it around like a secret, smirking inwardly at everything,
every now and again.
and one day, quite possibly, i will actually feel at home in this body.

that one day is not to-day, though. today is scaly skin that shakes through the sweats but no more fever, gott sei danke. nose runs and turns upper lip red like its blushing from embarrassment, every time i had to excuse myself from this afternoon's meeting to retch, cough and blow in the hallways, my sneakers squeaking on the newly waxed floor.

6:24 pm - 05.20.02

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