novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ruth's girls gone awry my battles are more inward than yours. i have trajectories and botched to-do lists lining my mind, you have inch-thick scars lining your arms. you arrive at conclusions resounding with drown or fly. i am always in the middle, adrift and dog-paddling. somewhat content but a little afraid to know more. it hit me as we were walking home from the vietnamese restaurant that i have graduated college so i slowed down and let you walk far ahead, your face and shoulders pointing downwards. stopped at the fountain at the tip of the lake and mumbled to myself. school is a middle ground. i have no middle ground anymore but i have added to the to-do lists a searingly adult crop: save money. pay off credit card. write a lot. go to grad school. love my body. fall in love and have a baby. the last two are the hardest. the others don't require major psychological changes, now do they? (i am sitting on the floor beside you eating popcorn while you tell me you know there is something wrong with him, that you just know, and usually i can identify feelings but not this time) 8:54 pm - 03.15.02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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