novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- connotation where did you go, after all of this? i think i am supposed to not want to be alone. i think i am afraid, it doesn't feel like fear, it doesn't feel like anything really. saturday judy and i walked around downtown ventura and marvelled at how the sulky teenagers and coffee shops have been replaced by drunk twentysomethings and loud cars. a jewlery shop was open past eleven. i found an irish friendship ring for five dollars, two hands holding a crowned heart, sterling silver. the lady who sold it to me said "it's a wedding ring if you turn it one way, and a friendship token if you turn it the other. but i forget which direction is which." a couple of fridays ago jenn and david and i did ouija board. david's and my first time. we "contacted" a twenty year old named GRAW, born in 1974, died in 1994. she doesn't know kurt cobain but she likes nirvana. her favourite band is van halen, pre-sammy hagar of course. she said that i'm going to get married. she also told us that her mother killed her. yesterday i was playing with bruno, my parents' 90 pound 11 month old black lab, out on the lawn. during wrestling with the rolling blackout my new ring suffered bending. i molded it back into shape as best i could, slipping it back onto my wedding finger, glancing at it every once in a while trying to figure out what it all means 12:15 am - 09.05.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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