novembre ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- satellite allright allright allright living alone is getting funner each day. i just have to remind myself that do in fact have friends and to leave the house. i'm having trouble with this. i've always had trouble leaving places, just letting go of things in general. stickyfingers. i've been at the bookarts studio for over five hours. kicking giant remains one of my favourite bands. xxxxx accidentally grinned at me today and as we made eye contact i remembered how she always would smile at me. so casual, so glowing. i have trouble with the past, i don't know when things are dead, when it's time to fall asleep, to wake up, to move forward. i still wish i could get a pet. i'd name it trouble, no matter what animal it would be. think about it: trouble is an ideal name for cat, dog, turtle, ferret, social disease. wait, my eccentricities and shortcomings are not pets. but they are always around, waiting for me to feed them. it is 4 am. in exactly 24 hours i'm driving to ventura in a car i have to deliver to my dad, mr. car dealer. i'm getting paid for delivering a "new" used car to his friend in berkeley and driving the "old" used car back to ventura. my dad, mr. car dealer. i hear all the jokes, stabs, puns about car dealers, used car salesmen in general. but my father is not shifty--he's the most open man i know. blunt is more like it. i found out last fall that he is also exceptionally vulnerable to outside forces, elements other than our immediate family. (at christmas dinner, my whiny, spoiled 18 year old lush cousin belittled him and he just took it. last weekend, a secretary at one of the dealership's service stations cut him off to talk on the phone. these are just what i've been witness to. if that had been me, i'd be halfway to hell in the trunk of a "new" used car) this could explain previous induced fear and loathing, but it's 4 am and i'm not going there. goodbye tonsils in 36 hours. hello guestbook, ghostly answering machine messages, strange cars and one very loud heater that blessedly warms my entire apartment. my neighborhood is a good one for playing in. the streets are wide and usually car-less. there's a bus stop right outside my house but it only comes twice a day. i have yet to butt-skate down the hill that leads towards my front door, but every time i pass it i remind myself that i will soon. heather lynn, do open streets surround you? what about broken, cracked sidewalks, buckling over tree branches? they're fun to bike on. do you have extra roller skates? size 9&1/2? maybe i can come and visit you. but not if i have to lug my skates on the plane. i love you, too. 3:53 am - 2.14.01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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